Skip to main content

When Did We Stop Saying Thank You?

 When I was studying Journalism at Humber College, one of our assignments was to interview a long-time married couple to find out what made them stay together.

Our neighbours at the time, were the perfect subjects.

They were married shortly after World War II, and had come over to Canada from Germany.

They were the best neighbours one could have; always up for a chat over the fence; always offering some homemade German delicacies; always cheerful and happy.

When I sat down with them and asked them what made them stay together after so many years, the lady said, "We take each other for granted."

I was in shock.

Taken aback.

I thought the secret to a great relationship was the opposite:  NOT taking each other for granted.

And then she explained

You have to take it for granted that the other person will always be there.  

Always have your back.

Always offer company, comfort, solace, friendship, love.

Perhaps there is some truth to that.

But I still think it is a nice idea to not take the other for granted.

Lately, I have noticed in my own relationship, we seemed to have stopped saying "Thank You" to one another.

Taking it for granted that the other knows the other is grateful.

I don't think that is necessarily a good thing.

I like being appreciated - and I like the other person to know they are appreciated also.

I find myself not saying "Thank You" because something is being done for a greater good, not necessarily for me. 

And if I say "Thank You", it implies that something is being done for me - when it is not specifically for me, but for a bigger cause.

Does that make sense?

And I also have noticed we don't say ''Please'' when we ask for something, or even "Bless You" when the other sneezes.

I think we always used to do that.

Are we letting things slide?

Perhaps.  

Perhaps not.  

We ARE taking it for granted that the other person KNOWS we are grateful.

But is that alright?  

In a long term, long time relationship, can we expect the other to know that we appreciate them?  That we are grateful for them?  That we are at least mentally saying "Bless You" when the other one sneezes?

I remember a line from a movie, where actor Liam Neeson says, "When did we stop driving each other to the airport?"

That movie was about a marriage that was nearly on the rocks.

But they saved it just in time.

So, I think that while taking each other for granted may have worked for my long time married neighbours, it may not work so much for me.

There is something great about always expecting a person to be there, but I always think it is nice to be acknowledged and appreciated also.

So I, for one, will go back to saying "Thank You" and ''Bless You'' and ''Please'' as much as possible.  To let my significant other know he is appreciated and acknowledged.  Validated.

Because it makes ME feel good to let him know he is appreciated.

And perhaps by making that example, hopefully he will return the outward appreciation.

I know he IS grateful for me, and appreciates me.

But there is something to be said for actually saying it.

So, "Thank You."


Popular posts from this blog

Hostage Taking

 Dear Mrs. Raccoon; I would like my garden back please. I know you are raising your five adorable babies in the window well under our deck. I know you need a safe space to do so, and thought that would be suitable. Well, you have worn out your welcome. I am sure they are big enough to move along to a suitable forest. I know one just down the street. I realize they are still nursing on you. I can see you all through our basement window. A clear view of your nursery. And yes, your babies are cute beyond reason. Snuggly and cuddly and who wouldn't want to just pick them up and kiss them to death. It is you, Mrs. Raccoon, who has put the fear of god into me. I am afraid of you, to be quite frank. Ever since that afternoon last week when I was enjoying a snack out on the back deck. I saw you out the corner of my eye, as you came up onto the deck and wanted some of that snack! Thankfully I had a broom handy - just in case - and was able to wave you away. ...
Read more

The Best Kept Secret

  When I was first hired by CKVR-TV as an anchor and reporter back in 1993, I was living in a small apartment in Richmond Hill. I was happy to commute back and forth in my little Honda Civic, up and down Highway 400. There was no way I was moving up to Barrie. That was farm country. Where the rubes lived. It even had a Co-op store, where country bumpkins bought their farm feed and supplies. The only culture that city had was agriculture. Imagine! I was better than that! I had been born and raised in the thriving metropolis of Oakville, then we moved to Brampton when I was a teenager.   I even lived in Montreal for several years while in my roaring twenties, for goodness sake!  La creme de la creme of culture and sophistication! Well, after three long years of driving up and down that Highway 400, surviving snow storms and other harrowing highway experiences, I succumbed. In 1996, I moved up. Literally and figuratively. And I have, sinc...
Read more

Big Bang Therapy

  Remember the one where Penny fell in the shower and Sheldon had to drive her to the hospital? Or the episode where Sheldon got several cats to replace Amy but then ended up giving them away to kids along with $20? Or the one where... It doesn't really matter which episode you watch. They are all great therapy after a really long, hard day. Or an emotionally grueling experience. Or you just need some mind candy for awhile to take your thoughts off things. Great therapy. As all the characters wend their way through their own foibles, there is always a message in there somewhere for all of us. As Howard negotiates his overbearing mother, and frighteningly similar wife, somehow, somewhere, we can all relate a little. And there is always a great deal of humor to get us through. Always at someone's expense, but in the end, all is forgiven in the name of friendship. And there's always a lesson thrown in along the way. Either for Sheldon, as he learn...
Read more